The Hardest Thing I've Ever Had to Share.

This is a message about me and my health, which can influence all my work from now on, so I ask that you read the whole text carefully. Although it can be a little extensive and may contain some mistakes, it is still extremely important.

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First, some context: At the end of 2015, while in school, I started to experience some visual anomalies, I was seeing some small black spots on my vision whenever I move my eyes, at first I was extremely worried, so I went to the doctor and did all the indicated examinations, he said my eyesight was normal and he told me that the things I was seeing inside my eyes were “floaters” and wasn’t something to be too worried about.

It took me a while to get used to these things in the eyes, but I was also seeing some weird spots on my eyes, which seemed to grow bigger every day, and unlike the floaters those didn’t move. (Sorry if it seems confusing, it’s the best I can describe)

So I went to a second doctor, did all the necessary exams again and he said that my eyesight was healthy (and just for the record, both doctors are ophthalmologists). I told him about those other visual anomalies I was experiencing, he recommended me to do some additional examinations, one of them was a blood test which showed that I have lupus.

Even after that, all the doctors I went couldn’t tell me what I had, I was starting to get really worried and stressed. As 2021 I am 20 years old, I was only 15 when all this started, just imagine dealing with these things while being so young. It was one of the worst moments of my life and it caused me a severe depression.

Over time I managed to overcome my depression by doing the things I love so much, which are my projects. So I never publicly commented on my eyesight problem to avoid concerning people, as I thought I could handle it myself.

But since I am writing this message, it is because things seem to be getting worse, the most likely thing to be happening is that my retina on both eyes have some kind of damage.

Even though I still don’t know if it had any influence over my eyesight problem, I have never been able to have a proper treatment for my lupus, as the consultations and medications are too expensive for my income (I also don’t have a health insurance, which makes matters even worse). I don’t know how long I will be able to keep my eyesight, I will still be working on my projects as long as possible, but if one day I just disappear, you already know why.

I still hope I can get some kind of treatment that can at least prevent my eyesight from getting worse. If not, I will just have to accept it.

Knowing all this I could still be in depression, but depression is something that has no place in my life anymore. If that really is what is going happen, I’m not afraid to go blind, even though I won’t be able to do some of the things I love so much like design and programming (or even play video games), I still have hopes for my future, and the people who supported and still support me are part of that.

The image of every single good thing that happened in my life will last forever in my heart. I love each and every one of you. ❤